Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
