You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
