I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
