my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
