Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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