If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
