u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
