he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
