my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
