It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize