My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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