HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
