im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
