Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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