This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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