No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
