Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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