So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
