Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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