I'm going to jail i love you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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