did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
