True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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