I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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