..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
