the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
