Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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