Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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