We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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