Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
