I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
