I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
