need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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