I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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