why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
