he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
