I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
