You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
