Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
