I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
