franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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