there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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