Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
