Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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