the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
