im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
