gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
