im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
