we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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