You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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