This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
