If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
