its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
