Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
