So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
