i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
