I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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