3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
