you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
