I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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