dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
