I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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