My friends, they love my intelligence
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
