i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
