i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
