we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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