If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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