Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
