so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
