i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He passed out mid-signature
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
