Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
