Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
